Gayn Coaching · 1:1 & group
You know what you
should do.
So why do you keep
doing the same thing?
You can understand your patterns perfectly and still repeat them when it matters.
My coaching helps you understand what's happening, change the response underneath it, and practise doing something different in real life.
A genuine fit conversation — not a sales call.
Where coaching starts
You already know a lot of this
So why do you still do it?
Because conscious understanding and an automatic response aren't the same thing.
When the situation actually happens, it's fast and it's physical. Your body reacts before your conscious mind has decided anything. None of that requires you to stop believing what you know. It runs underneath it.
So knowing yourself is useful. But it doesn't automatically change what you do. Changing the response underneath is the work.
What's actually running
The loop underneath
The things that frustrate you most run on a short, fast loop. Here it is, in order.
Trigger
Something happens.
Interpretation
You give it a meaning — usually instantly.
Nervous system response
Your body reacts before you've decided anything.
Automatic behaviour
You act, usually without meaning to.
Result
Short-term relief. A longer-term cost.
Pattern reinforced
Next time it fires a little faster.
In a real situation
The same loop, with skin on
A situation can trigger a pattern before you've had time to consciously decide what to do.
A guy you've been seeing doesn't text you back. Here's one way the loop can run.
This is one example of how a pattern can run.
Your loop might look completely different.
Maybe yours shows up when someone criticises you. Maybe when you need to say no. Maybe when someone gets too close. Maybe when you feel rejected. Maybe when you don't know what someone is thinking.
The work is figuring out what happens in your loop, and what you do next.
What I actually do
This is how we work
Every client is different, but the work follows a clear logic. I don't just ask good questions and give you something interesting to think about — I work with the pattern itself.
Identify the pattern
We get very specific about what happens. What triggers it? What do you notice first — a thought, a feeling, a physical sensation? What are you imagining? What meaning are you giving the situation? What do you automatically want to do?
Understand the learning
We explore what you've learned to associate with that situation. What does it represent to you? What do you expect will happen? What are you trying to avoid, and what are you trying to achieve? What response has become automatic?
Intervene
This is where the techniques come in. I use NLP methods and other coaching techniques to work with how you represent the situation internally — your associations, your emotional response, your beliefs, the pattern itself. The questions help us understand the pattern. The interventions are where we change it.
Create new learning
We build a different way of experiencing and responding to the situation. The goal isn't simply “I understand myself better.” It's “I can respond differently.”
Practise it in real life
You take the new response into your actual life. You have the conversation. You set the boundary. You send the message. You stop chasing. You speak up. Then we review what happened and keep refining the response.
The tools
One of the tools I use
You'll see NLP on my credentials, so here's what it actually is — in plain terms, not as a buzzword.
NLP gives me practical techniques for working with how someone internally represents and responds to an experience — the images, sounds and feelings that run automatically, and the associations you've learned to attach to them.
NLP is one tool in a broader coaching toolkit. It isn't magic, and it isn't the whole method. It's one part of how I work with the loop you saw above — rather than only talking about it.
What the work is for
You don't just need to
think differently.
You need to learn to respond differently.
The aim isn't to understand your pattern perfectly. It's to create a different response that you can actually access when the old situation happens again — and then to practise it until it's the response you reach for.
Let's make this real
The old pattern — and what we do with it
Right now
The loop that runs on its own
- He doesn't text back.
- “I've done something wrong.”
- Your body activates.
- You check your phone.
- You replay the conversation.
- You send another message.
- Temporary reassurance — or more uncertainty.
- The pattern continues.
With the same situation
We work with the response
- We look at what his silence means to you — and what you imagine could happen.
- We look at what you fear, and what you feel in your body.
- We look at what you automatically do, and what that response is protecting you from.
- We use appropriate techniques to work with the learned response itself.
- We create a different response that's actually available to you.
- You practise it in real life — then we review and refine it.
We don't try to convince you that you shouldn't feel anything.
We work on what happens next.
The goal isn't “I now understand why I'm anxious.” It's “the next time this happens, I can respond differently.”
Where this sits
How this is different from talking it through
The honest answer to “isn't this just therapy?” is that therapy and coaching overlap, and they can work well together. We'll talk about the past when it's relevant. We just don't stop at understanding it.
Insight
Understanding the pattern the next time it fires. Valuable — and sometimes the pattern still runs.
New learning and practice
Creating a response that overrides the old one, then rehearsing it until it becomes the thing that fires.
The structure of the coaching
Reconnect. Reclaim. Rise.
The techniques above sit inside a clear structure — not a rigid script, but a framework that adapts to where you are.
Reconnect
Get specific about what's actually running — your needs, values, emotions and patterns.
Reclaim
Choose yourself. Communicate what you need, set boundaries, trust your decisions.
Rise
Take the new learning into your life and behave in ways that reflect who you want to be.
What changes
You'll notice the difference
Not because you suddenly become fearless. Because you start doing things differently.
Why Phill
Someone who already understands the context
I've spent more than eighteen years working with people, first as a personal trainer, then as a coach. Years of sitting one-on-one with men who looked like they had it together and privately didn't. You learn a lot in that kind of room.
You won't need to spend half a session explaining what it's like to be a gay man before we can get to the thing you actually want to change.
NLP Master Practitioner
NLP Worldwide, Sydney · 2011
Authentic Education
Professional coaching & personal development · 2024
The coaching options
Three ways to work together
The 12-week 1:1 programme is the fullest version of this work. The other two exist because not everyone needs that much — one is shorter, one is in a group.
1:1 coaching · 12 weeks
The 12-Week
1:1 Programme
$2,997USD
Best for men wanting the deepest, most sustained block of work for lasting change.
Why 8 sessions over 12 weeks: change doesn't happen on a weekly schedule. The wider window gives you room to take a new response into real situations, bring back what happened, and work on it — which is where the shift actually happens.
- Eight private 1:1 coaching sessions, spaced across 12 weeks
- One longer consolidation session in the final week
- Personalised coaching roadmap
- Individualised exercises and tools
- Action and accountability between sessions
- Direct support in the gaps between sessions
- Session notes and study resources
1:1 coaching · 8 weeks
The 8-Week
1:1 Programme
$2,000USD
Best for a focused, defined block of work around a specific goal or a first coaching programme.
- Eight private 1:1 coaching sessions, weekly
- Personalised coaching roadmap
- Individualised exercises and tools
- Action and accountability between sessions
- Direct support between sessions
- Session notes and resources
- Clear progression through the process
Group coaching · 12 weeks
Gayn Confidence Group Coaching
Best for men wanting the structure and support of coaching at a lower investment, in a small group of gay men going through it together.
Next intake starts October 2nd
$997 USD
Pay in full — $997Not ready to purchase? Book a free consultation to work out which option is right for you.
In his own words
What changed for him
Peter talks honestly about what coaching was like, what he noticed changing, and what feels different now.
Questions
Questions before you book
Why isn't this just a conversation? What actually happens in a session?
A conversation can give you a useful insight and leave the behaviour untouched. In a session we work with the pattern itself — identify it precisely, understand what you've learned to associate with the situation, then create and rehearse a different response you take into your real life.
What if I don't know exactly what I need help with?
You don't need to. Most men know something isn't working but can't quite see the pattern underneath it. That's part of what we work out together — you don't need to arrive with a diagnosis or a plan.
What if I've already tried therapy?
That's not a problem. Coaching and therapy complement each other but aren't the same thing. If you've already done the work of understanding yourself, coaching helps you turn that understanding into different choices and behaviours.
What if I'm nervous about being completely honest?
You probably will be, and there's no expectation that you arrive ready to tell me everything. We build trust as we go. You decide what you're ready to explore; my job is to make it a space where you don't have to perform.
What actually happens after I book?
We start by getting clear on where you are and what you want to change. From there the coaching is built around you, rather than pushing you through a predetermined programme.
How do I know whether coaching with you is right for me?
That's what the consultation is for. We'll talk honestly about what's happening, what you're looking for, and whether I can genuinely help. If I don't think I'm the right person, I'll tell you.
What if I'm not ready to commit to eight or twelve weeks?
The consultation comes first — you don't need to decide anything before we've established whether there's something worth working on. If we both think there's a fit, I'll explain the options and you decide from there.
You don't have to figure this out alone
If you recognise yourself in these patterns, let's talk. We'll work out what's happening, what you want to change, and whether coaching with me makes sense.
No pressure. No obligation. Just a conversation to see whether we're a fit.